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The Love-Hate Relationship with Our Parents

May 1, 2024

May can be an interesting month in my head and heart. My best friend of 30 years walked away 12 years ago! Happy birthday Dad. My parent's wedding anniversary. My wedding anniversary. My husband's birthday!! So many emotions that sometimes I feel like I am on a roller coaster. While this month holds so much good: see the picture below!! It also is a month of tears and sadness. Let's dive in.


According to the Oxford Dictionary:


●    Love: an intense feeling of deep affection.

●    Hate: intense or passionate dislike.


2 very different but connected feelings!!! So what makes us feel like we are only allowed to feel one and not the other? Or that they are not connected in some way. Let's talk about something real: the love-hate relationship many of us have with our parents. It's like riding an emotional rollercoaster, with ups of affection and downs of frustration. It's messy, it's complicated, but it's oh-so-human. What makes it even harder? When they are no longer in your life.

 

Ever felt a rush of warmth towards your mom or dad, only to be followed by a wave of irritation? That's the love-hate cocktail at work. Maybe it's because of old stuff from childhood, clashes in personalities, or just because they did something that really hurt you. Whatever the reason, it's normal. Although they did their best with the skills they had, it does not negate the impact that the relationship had on you.

 

Navigating these conflicting feelings can be tough. On one hand, there's that deep-rooted love and longing for connection. On the other, the anger and resentment is bubbling up. It's like having a tug-of-war inside your heart, and it can mess with your head big time.

 

This rollercoaster ride isn't just thrilling; it can also mess with your mental health. Bottling up your emotions can lead to anxiety and depression while letting them out might bring on a heap of guilt. It's a fine line to walk, and it can take a toll on your well-being. You HAVE TO FEEL THE FEELS!!!! Even if they are uncomfortable.


So, how do you navigate this emotional minefield? First off, give yourself a break. It's okay to feel conflicted. Talking it out with a friend or therapist can help you untangle your feelings and figure out your next steps. Setting boundaries and managing expectations can also keep the peace and protect your sanity. We also need to learn how to grieve. How to process emotions. How to release the hurt and embrace the good. One thing I did? I re-did a childhood album with just the good photos and memories. I have also raged about the hurt! We have to process them both.

 

Loving and hating your parents at the same time is messy, but it's also part of being human. Embrace the ups and downs, lean into your feelings (all of them!!!), and remember that you're not alone on this rollercoaster ride. With a little guidance, some grace (more for yourself than anyone!) and maybe a rage room, you too can get through this grieving of what could/should have been and settle into the new normal of your relationship.

3 Ways Love Works (and Doesn’t Work)

By Dawn Taylor • January 26, 2025
Love is powerful, but it doesn’t work the same way for everyone. At its core, love tends to show up in three main ways: 1. Like Water There is always enough. You don’t run out. You can pour it into as many cups as you want or keep it all to yourself—but you control the flow. Some people get a full glass, some get a sip, and some don’t get any at all. But the source? Endless. 2. Limited Supply Think of love like pieces of paper. You only have a few. If you’ve given them all away and someone new comes into your life needing one, you can’t create more—you have to take from someone else. This kind of love feels scarce. It can create jealousy, competition, or the belief that if you love them, you can’t also love me. 3. Transactional This is love as a trade. A transaction. “I love you if…” or “If you don’t, I’ll take my love away.” Many of us grew up in this kind of love—where love had to be earned. Good grades? Love. Messed up? Love withdrawn. Hello to my fellow ‘80s and earlier babies—I see you.

How to Plan Your Year

By Dawn Taylor • January 2, 2025
Oh planning… let’s go.

5 Biggest Tips to Stay HAPPILY Married

By Dawn Taylor • December 10, 2024
“Mawwiage is what bwings us together today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wuv, true wuv, will follow you forever, so tweasure your wuv”. - Princess Bride

The Snow is Falling… MOVE!

By Dawn Taylor • November 11, 2024
Ah, winter! That magical time when hot chocolate is more than a drink; it’s a survival tool.

Embracing the Seasons of Life and Business: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

By Jenny Ryce • August 20, 2024
Life and business are much like the changing seasons—each one brings its own mix of joys, challenges, and downright messiness. From the fresh energy of spring to the cold grip of winter, every season has its good and ugly sides. Understanding and adapting to these shifts can help us navigate the transitions with grace, humour, and resilience. Spring: The Season of Renewal (and Overwhelm) Spring is the season of new beginnings. In life, it might bring a burst of creativity, fresh starts, or new relationships. In business, it could mean launching a new product, expanding your team, or entering a new market. Everything feels possible, and the energy is contagious. With so much new growth, spring can also be overwhelming. There’s a risk of taking on too much, spreading yourself too thin, or getting lost in the excitement of too many ideas. Ways to manage: Channel the energy of spring by setting clear, achievable goals. Use tools like Trello or Asana to organize your ideas and keep track of your progress. Remember, not every seed needs to be planted at once—prioritize the projects that align with your long-term vision. Summer: The Season of Abundance (and Burnout) Summer is a time of abundance and activity. In life, it’s the season for vacations, socializing, and making the most of long days. In business, summer often means high productivity, increased sales, or a busy schedule filled with opportunities. However, the heat of summer can also lead to burnout. The constant hustle, combined with the pressure to keep up with everything, can leave you exhausted and running on empty. Summer strategies: Avoid burnout by setting boundaries and taking regular breaks. Incorporate tools like time blocking to manage your time effectively, and use apps like Calm or Headspace to keep your mind centred. Remember that it’s okay to slow down and recharge, even in the midst of abundance. Autumn: The Season of Harvest (and Letting Go) Autumn is a time for harvesting the fruits of your labour. In life, this might mean reaping the rewards of hard work, enjoying stability, or seeing long-term projects come to fruition. In business, autumn can be a time for reflection, refining strategies, and capitalizing on what’s been working. With harvest comes the need to let go. Autumn is also a season of shedding—whether it’s letting go of failed projects, outdated strategies, or relationships that no longer serve you. It can be a bittersweet time, marked by the recognition that not everything will make it through to the next cycle. Dealing with challenges: Embrace the process of letting go by conducting a personal or business audit. Use tools like SWOT analysis to evaluate what’s working and what’s not. Focus on what truly matters and be willing to prune away the rest. This will create space for new growth when spring rolls around again. Winter: The Season of Rest (and Challenges) Winter is a season of rest and reflection. In life, it’s a time to slow down, enjoy the quiet, and recharge for the year ahead. In business, winter can be an opportunity to review the past year, plan for the future, and focus on internal growth and development. However, winter can also be a time of struggle. The cold, dark days can bring about feelings of isolation, stagnation, and even depression. In business, winter might represent a slowdown in sales, cash flow challenges, or difficult decisions that need to be made. Finding ways to thrive: Winter is about survival and preparation for the next cycle. Focus on maintaining resilience and finding small victories to celebrate. Use financial planning tools like QuickBooks or Mint to keep your finances in check and ensure you’re prepared for the challenges ahead. Strengthen your relationships and lean on your support system during this time. Coping with the Seasons: A Survival Guide Stay Flexible: Just as you wouldn’t wear summer clothes in winter, don’t cling to strategies that aren’t suited for the current season. Adapt and evolve with the times. Build a Support System: Whether it’s friends, family, or a coach, having a strong support system can make the tough times bearable and the good times even better. Plan Ahead: While you can’t predict every change, having a plan in place for different scenarios can reduce stress and help you navigate transitions more smoothly. Embrace Change: Change is the only constant. The more you resist it, the harder it becomes. Instead, learn to see each season as an opportunity for growth, even when it’s challenging. Find Humor: Sometimes, all you can do is laugh. Humour is a powerful tool for coping with stress and maintaining perspective. The changing seasons of life and business bring a mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly. But with the right mindset and tools, you can not only survive but thrive through each transition. So, when the seasons start to shift, embrace the change, adapt your approach, and look forward to the new opportunities that lie ahead. Written by, Jenny Ryce, member of The Taylor Way Team

Movements to Move Emotions

By Michelle Falzone • August 1, 2024
Someone has betrayed or disappointed you. Where do you feel it? A recent health diagnosis makes an appearance in your life. Where do you feel it? You didn't get that promotion or sign that client, financial stress arises. Where do you feel it? Every emotional experience creates a physical experience in our body. Here are typical places the body holds onto emotion and trauma and how you can move through it: Jaw. A result of head trauma, chronic anxiety and the feeling of biting onto the tongue to suppress emotions in life (“bite your tongue”) often find a way to be stored in the jaw, leading to chronic tension. Here is a guided video to help you move through this. Diaphragm. This is a muscle under the ribs that facilitates breathing. Shallow breathing and chronic bracing of the diaphragm are often associated with suppressed emotions and trauma in the diaphragm. When our system is in a chronic state of self-protection, we often see the holding of our breath and the tightening of our diaphragm closely related. Here is a guided video to help you move through this. Psoas muscles. These muscles are deep in the hip that brings your leg towards your chest and that contracts in our startle response as if we needed to run from something. When trauma is stored in these muscles, it can lead to hip pain and chronic low back. Here is a guided video to help you move through this. Pelvic floor. The female reproductive system is a powerful space that can hold onto trauma. It is deeply associated with sexuality and can hold onto suppressed emotions for a long time. Here is a guided video to help you move through this. Over time, when we hold onto these emotions without offering them space to be felt, processed, and moved, it can manifest into physical pain. I invite you to see pain as an alarm bell singing “pay attention to me please!”. Pain is not good or bad, it just is, and worthy of existing. Pain is one of the loudest ways our body communicates with us, in hopes of falling on open ears. Our bodies are effective communicators and it is up to us to be effective listeners. Pain has wisdom, and instead of fixing our pain or getting rid of it, I encourage you to listen to what it has to say and increase your capacity to hold it. Because emotions are stored in the body, motion can guide us to feel, process and hold space for them. This improves our bodies capacity to hold space for pain, which helps us feel more pain-free and resilient. We can move ‘stuck’ emotional energy and transmute it to holding less power over us. This is why we may cry, yell, and pass gas with physical activity, a common response with some of the somatic moves above too. Of course, trauma, emotions, and pain are beautifully intricate. When we consider all elements that impact the human biopsychosocial and spiritual experience, such as relationships, physical environment, and our lifestyle, this holistic approach can promote better healing for us remarkable humans. You are more than a person with tight hips, a “weak” core, or “bad” posture. You are human. If you’re challenged with chronic pain and have yet to pursue a holistic approach to befriend it, check out my Making Friends with Chronic Pain video to explore this potential path for yourself. Cheers to your human journey. Written by Michelle Falzone, Pivot Your Wellness www.pivotyourwellness.com
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