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How to Avoid Self-Sabotage

The Taylor Way • September 23, 2022

Self-sabotage. We all do it—and we’re all really good at it. But what causes us to do it? What are some of the ways we can stop it? It’s a strange thing we do, when we have ideas and expectations in our heads of how life is supposed to be and how it’s supposed to turn out; and when they don’t happen, we get caught up in a place of not believing we’re worthy anymore. It makes for a rough life.

We think this year, we’re going to straighten all our relationships and get our finances in order and our businesses are going to be outstanding, and, and, and… Then when some or all these things don’t fall into place, we start thinking, “Of course, this is happening because this is just how my life goes. ” We get caught in these thinking patterns and suddenly we find ourselves self-sabotaging. This can happen in really small ways like not getting up in the morning, not reaching out to people, not making necessary phone calls or answering emails. One of the biggest reasons for doing so is that we are scared to pivot.

We are so scared of change in our lives because we’ve attached our worth to it. We’ve attached our worth to our relationships, our businesses, our financial status, and so on. That was our identity. That’s what we were doing. We told everyone we were going to do all these things and they didn’t happen. And then we beat ourselves up over it. That’s when self-sabotaging roars its ugly head.

What if we took our worth off our businesses and relationships and started realizing, “What if I’m just worthy—without all those things? What if these things did not rule my life as much as I let them? How do I pivot?” Have you totally released it? Have you considered that instead of feeling like you failed, you have an opportunity for a shift? Imagine you have ingredients sitting on your counter and your original plan was to make lasagna; except that you don’t have lasagna noodles. What are you going to do? Well, you could make a great pasta sauce. You could make spaghetti or chili or anything you want. The options are plenty. Just because you didn’t get the lasagna noodles doesn’t mean that you failed.

So when you start to feel like a failure, you need to stop and acknowledge your feelings, and ask yourself what has to happen in order not to feel that way. You must face those feelings head-on. Look at them and tell yourself you are not willing to go there and feel that. And when you can face that and come up with some rules for yourself, you become not scared of failure. You enable yourself to try a new direction again and again until you get it right. It gets you out of your rut and out of thinking about how things were supposed to be. Think about the feelings that you would do anything to avoid and the areas of self-sabotage in your life. What are the feelings attached to those? What are the feelings that you're avoiding? What are you scared of? Do you think you’re not smart enough? Not pretty enough? Not kind enough? Here’s the truth: stop thinking “not enough.” Your worth is not a unit of measurement. You will not find it on a conversion chart. You cannot buy it, you cannot sell; it is not a publicly traded commodity. It is not a thing. Your worth is not tied to your business. It's not tied to the money in your bank account. It's not tied to your house. It's not tied to your relationship. It's not tied to your looks. It isn't tied to any of that. Set a new standard for your life. Step up and go. One step at a time.

#avoidsabotage #lifecoach #thetaylorway #motivation #asskicker #hopegiver

3 Ways Love Works (and Doesn’t Work)

By Dawn Taylor • January 26, 2025
Love is powerful, but it doesn’t work the same way for everyone. At its core, love tends to show up in three main ways: 1. Like Water There is always enough. You don’t run out. You can pour it into as many cups as you want or keep it all to yourself—but you control the flow. Some people get a full glass, some get a sip, and some don’t get any at all. But the source? Endless. 2. Limited Supply Think of love like pieces of paper. You only have a few. If you’ve given them all away and someone new comes into your life needing one, you can’t create more—you have to take from someone else. This kind of love feels scarce. It can create jealousy, competition, or the belief that if you love them, you can’t also love me. 3. Transactional This is love as a trade. A transaction. “I love you if…” or “If you don’t, I’ll take my love away.” Many of us grew up in this kind of love—where love had to be earned. Good grades? Love. Messed up? Love withdrawn. Hello to my fellow ‘80s and earlier babies—I see you.

How to Plan Your Year

By Dawn Taylor • January 2, 2025
Oh planning… let’s go.

5 Biggest Tips to Stay HAPPILY Married

By Dawn Taylor • December 10, 2024
“Mawwiage is what bwings us together today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wuv, true wuv, will follow you forever, so tweasure your wuv”. - Princess Bride

The Snow is Falling… MOVE!

By Dawn Taylor • November 11, 2024
Ah, winter! That magical time when hot chocolate is more than a drink; it’s a survival tool.

Embracing the Seasons of Life and Business: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

By Jenny Ryce • August 20, 2024
Life and business are much like the changing seasons—each one brings its own mix of joys, challenges, and downright messiness. From the fresh energy of spring to the cold grip of winter, every season has its good and ugly sides. Understanding and adapting to these shifts can help us navigate the transitions with grace, humour, and resilience. Spring: The Season of Renewal (and Overwhelm) Spring is the season of new beginnings. In life, it might bring a burst of creativity, fresh starts, or new relationships. In business, it could mean launching a new product, expanding your team, or entering a new market. Everything feels possible, and the energy is contagious. With so much new growth, spring can also be overwhelming. There’s a risk of taking on too much, spreading yourself too thin, or getting lost in the excitement of too many ideas. Ways to manage: Channel the energy of spring by setting clear, achievable goals. Use tools like Trello or Asana to organize your ideas and keep track of your progress. Remember, not every seed needs to be planted at once—prioritize the projects that align with your long-term vision. Summer: The Season of Abundance (and Burnout) Summer is a time of abundance and activity. In life, it’s the season for vacations, socializing, and making the most of long days. In business, summer often means high productivity, increased sales, or a busy schedule filled with opportunities. However, the heat of summer can also lead to burnout. The constant hustle, combined with the pressure to keep up with everything, can leave you exhausted and running on empty. Summer strategies: Avoid burnout by setting boundaries and taking regular breaks. Incorporate tools like time blocking to manage your time effectively, and use apps like Calm or Headspace to keep your mind centred. Remember that it’s okay to slow down and recharge, even in the midst of abundance. Autumn: The Season of Harvest (and Letting Go) Autumn is a time for harvesting the fruits of your labour. In life, this might mean reaping the rewards of hard work, enjoying stability, or seeing long-term projects come to fruition. In business, autumn can be a time for reflection, refining strategies, and capitalizing on what’s been working. With harvest comes the need to let go. Autumn is also a season of shedding—whether it’s letting go of failed projects, outdated strategies, or relationships that no longer serve you. It can be a bittersweet time, marked by the recognition that not everything will make it through to the next cycle. Dealing with challenges: Embrace the process of letting go by conducting a personal or business audit. Use tools like SWOT analysis to evaluate what’s working and what’s not. Focus on what truly matters and be willing to prune away the rest. This will create space for new growth when spring rolls around again. Winter: The Season of Rest (and Challenges) Winter is a season of rest and reflection. In life, it’s a time to slow down, enjoy the quiet, and recharge for the year ahead. In business, winter can be an opportunity to review the past year, plan for the future, and focus on internal growth and development. However, winter can also be a time of struggle. The cold, dark days can bring about feelings of isolation, stagnation, and even depression. In business, winter might represent a slowdown in sales, cash flow challenges, or difficult decisions that need to be made. Finding ways to thrive: Winter is about survival and preparation for the next cycle. Focus on maintaining resilience and finding small victories to celebrate. Use financial planning tools like QuickBooks or Mint to keep your finances in check and ensure you’re prepared for the challenges ahead. Strengthen your relationships and lean on your support system during this time. Coping with the Seasons: A Survival Guide Stay Flexible: Just as you wouldn’t wear summer clothes in winter, don’t cling to strategies that aren’t suited for the current season. Adapt and evolve with the times. Build a Support System: Whether it’s friends, family, or a coach, having a strong support system can make the tough times bearable and the good times even better. Plan Ahead: While you can’t predict every change, having a plan in place for different scenarios can reduce stress and help you navigate transitions more smoothly. Embrace Change: Change is the only constant. The more you resist it, the harder it becomes. Instead, learn to see each season as an opportunity for growth, even when it’s challenging. Find Humor: Sometimes, all you can do is laugh. Humour is a powerful tool for coping with stress and maintaining perspective. The changing seasons of life and business bring a mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly. But with the right mindset and tools, you can not only survive but thrive through each transition. So, when the seasons start to shift, embrace the change, adapt your approach, and look forward to the new opportunities that lie ahead. Written by, Jenny Ryce, member of The Taylor Way Team

Movements to Move Emotions

By Michelle Falzone • August 1, 2024
Someone has betrayed or disappointed you. Where do you feel it? A recent health diagnosis makes an appearance in your life. Where do you feel it? You didn't get that promotion or sign that client, financial stress arises. Where do you feel it? Every emotional experience creates a physical experience in our body. Here are typical places the body holds onto emotion and trauma and how you can move through it: Jaw. A result of head trauma, chronic anxiety and the feeling of biting onto the tongue to suppress emotions in life (“bite your tongue”) often find a way to be stored in the jaw, leading to chronic tension. Here is a guided video to help you move through this. Diaphragm. This is a muscle under the ribs that facilitates breathing. Shallow breathing and chronic bracing of the diaphragm are often associated with suppressed emotions and trauma in the diaphragm. When our system is in a chronic state of self-protection, we often see the holding of our breath and the tightening of our diaphragm closely related. Here is a guided video to help you move through this. Psoas muscles. These muscles are deep in the hip that brings your leg towards your chest and that contracts in our startle response as if we needed to run from something. When trauma is stored in these muscles, it can lead to hip pain and chronic low back. Here is a guided video to help you move through this. Pelvic floor. The female reproductive system is a powerful space that can hold onto trauma. It is deeply associated with sexuality and can hold onto suppressed emotions for a long time. Here is a guided video to help you move through this. Over time, when we hold onto these emotions without offering them space to be felt, processed, and moved, it can manifest into physical pain. I invite you to see pain as an alarm bell singing “pay attention to me please!”. Pain is not good or bad, it just is, and worthy of existing. Pain is one of the loudest ways our body communicates with us, in hopes of falling on open ears. Our bodies are effective communicators and it is up to us to be effective listeners. Pain has wisdom, and instead of fixing our pain or getting rid of it, I encourage you to listen to what it has to say and increase your capacity to hold it. Because emotions are stored in the body, motion can guide us to feel, process and hold space for them. This improves our bodies capacity to hold space for pain, which helps us feel more pain-free and resilient. We can move ‘stuck’ emotional energy and transmute it to holding less power over us. This is why we may cry, yell, and pass gas with physical activity, a common response with some of the somatic moves above too. Of course, trauma, emotions, and pain are beautifully intricate. When we consider all elements that impact the human biopsychosocial and spiritual experience, such as relationships, physical environment, and our lifestyle, this holistic approach can promote better healing for us remarkable humans. You are more than a person with tight hips, a “weak” core, or “bad” posture. You are human. If you’re challenged with chronic pain and have yet to pursue a holistic approach to befriend it, check out my Making Friends with Chronic Pain video to explore this potential path for yourself. Cheers to your human journey. Written by Michelle Falzone, Pivot Your Wellness www.pivotyourwellness.com
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